The Ups and Downs of Crossdressing
by foxglove's.fingerhold
Summary: The host club's story gets a little revamp...Haruhi is a guy, the Lobelia school is a all-boy's boot camp, and Tamaki still has a crush on his Haru-chan! -ADOPTED BY ManicThrifts-
1. Starting today you're a personal chef!

Warnings: -Shounen-ai, or boyxboy content; leave now if it scares you!  
-Haruhi is a bit OOC because he's a guy, so he can be slightly more profane…  
-Short chapters. -__- I might just reupload this after writing some more, because it's pretty bad. But I'm proud that I got the first six minutes of a tv show to last over 2,400 words! .  
-And...not much else so far...

All right, before I get started-this is OHSHC in a different setting: Haruhi is a cross-dressing guy! Instead of him working off his debts as a host (as they don't know he isn't a woman at that point) he has to work as the hosts' personal chef! Anyway, I'm going to write out most of the episodes in novel form, with a twist to each story...and of course, make a few of my own. This is going to be fun! x) Couples are as follows, in seme/uke order: Tamaki/Haruhi, light Hikaru/Kaoru, Mori/Honey, and Kyouya gets to be lonely! Maybe I'll just make him a crack pairing with Nekozawa or Renge… XP Well, Renge isn't a crack…but the master of darkness sure is… .  
I also want to warn that updates will not be consistent with me. School is too much of a butt for that. But I'll try to get more in! And just to say, I'm not the kind of person who is looking for a whole lot of critiques, though they are still appreciated. So please be a little extra gentle if you're going to flame me. -__-

...

"It'd be a miracle if you could find any more rich heirs at a mafia convention…"

Haruhi's shoulders slumped as he 'indiscreetly' mumbled the insult at all of the students he had passed by. He was trudging down one of his school's twisting halls, dragging his feet behind him.

From floor to ceiling, everything was magnificently displayed; ranging from the lush, velvety drapes, to the diamond-encrusted nameplates sitting atop every desk. The whole building practically oozed luxury. It was like a classy five star hotel-just without the lion bath faucets.

"Wait…now that I think about it, didn't the pattern on the toilet seats look kind of like cats…?" His head fell dejectedly. "Still, I should at least be able to find a place to study in such an enormous place…but every room is already full, not to mention noisy. Isn't there a single one left?"

Sighing heavily, Haruhi approached another of the many dead ends he had begun to despise as he navigated his school. He rested his forehead on his palm, checking the time. "This isn't getting me anywhere…I'd better just head back to class." And he was about to do just that, until the glint of a golden handle caught his eye.

"Eh? An unused room?" Haruhi sidled up against the door and pressed his ear to its surface. It met with silence.

_Whoa…it's actually quiet inside…_ After taking a step back, his gaze wandered to the small sign above the entrance. "'The Third Music Room', huh?" He read aloud. "Well, I guess this is probably the only place I can study in peace…" His fingers wound their way around the door knob, carefully pushing it open.

And just as Fujioka Haruhi thought his day couldn't possibly get any worse, he met the Ouran High School Host Club.

…

"_This exquisite private school, Ouran Academy, is a paradise to the common man: sparing no expense in keeping anything and everything we have of the highest class. Our prestigious ways therefore make us known by two standards; first, __distinguished __families, respected by rich and poor alike, and second, those graced with great wealth. __As is obvious, such fortunate people often find themselves with minimally busy schedules. Thus, this host club is created for one purpose: gentlemen who wish to spend their excess time keeping company with similarly unoccupied young ladies…while consequently profiting from them.  
__So we welcome everyone to join in the festivities of this unique and classy gathering-the Ouran High School Host Club!"  
_

"Ho-Host Club?!" Haruhi slithered up against the wall. _This has...this has got to be the worst possible situation ever...! If their job is to play around with all the girls that come by here, then I'm totally, completely, and utterly-"_

"Ah, it looks like a newcomer!"

Haruhi's face blanched. _"-screwed." _

Six beautiful young men stood facing him, seemingly trained poses almost picturesque. Each was unique in appearance, with strangely specific traits to suit a gaggle of different kinds of girls. Haruhi stared at them openly. _Wow...It's an otaku's dream…a live-action reverse harem. The only problem is that I'm not a girl, and this is turning out to be more of a nightmare..._

"Hime-sama." The melodramatic voice brought him out of his thoughts. "You look lost, like a young blossoming flower fallen from the branches of a sakura tree… Please, let us help you…find your way…"

Shivers shot down Haruhi's spine. _What an_ _egocentric playboy… _His head swung up so he could find the idiot that said that…that…_line_. And at only one glance, he knew exactly who the culprit was. Golden blonde hair…an actor's watery violet eyes…and an apparently serious Prince Charming complex…it had to be him.

"Come on…even if you're going to be formal, Tamaki-dono-"

"-you should get your lazy butt out of the imaginary throne you're sitting on and greet our guest personally."

A pair of redheads stepped out from behind their king's shadow. They were extremely-no, a better word would be 'confusingly'-similar in looks. Almost living photocopies of each other. And in addition to that, they appeared to be the type to use that to their advantage.

One of the two began approaching Haruhi, closing in on him with long, drawn-out strides. Haruhi started to panic. _How am I supposed to get out of this…? Maybe it would have been a good idea just to give _that_ up so I could avoid these kinds of problems..._

You see, Haruhi is not just your average high school student: he's the smartest kid in his class, always answering questions no one else can even fathom. He's athletic and talented at sports, and even good-looking to boot. But more than that, he has a hobby that causes him a bit of trouble now and then.

Haruhi is a full-time cross-dresser…that somehow manages to wear girl's clothing every day.

Normally you should be able to tell that a guy is a guy right away, right? If that was the case, Haruhi wouldn't have to go through such troubles. But unfortunately, the looks that he was born with are that of a bishounen...and an especially attractive one at that. His face, body, skin, and voice are all feminine, so most people mistake him for a girl even when he wears more scruffy clothing. Which is exactly what is happening at the moment.

"H-hey…What are you…?" Haruhi cringed as he was backed into a corner. The boy in front of him grinned devilishly, pulling a rose out from seemingly nowhere. "Now, now, don't be so afraid, hime-sama. It's your first time with us, isn't it? We'll play real nice with you…" He brushed the petals over his lips. Haruhi's cheeks flushed hotly. _Just what kind of perverted games are you playing at…? _

The other twin sauntered up to his brother, lazily throwing an arm around his shoulders. "Hikaru, be nice. Can't you see that the poor thing is nervous?" He bowed slightly and conjured a flower of his own. "I apologize if my brother scared you. He just loves meeting our beautiful new customers."

"Hikaru and Kaoru…" The calculating voice caught Haruhi's attention. He turned to see that it was a polished looking boy with dark hair and glasses who spoke. "This young lady is in your class, correct?"

"That's right, Kyouya-sempai. But we don't know much about her, since she doesn't quite fit in with everyone…"

The young man grinned, a smug look of recognition dawning on his face. "That's quite rude, actually. Welcome to the Ouran host club, miss special student."

Tamaki popped up in front of Kyouya, bug-eyed from shock. "What?! So this is the new exceptional special student, Fujioka Haruhi-san?"

Haruhi felt a chill ran down his body. "How do you…know my name?" _I can't believe it! They found me out already…?_

Kyouya adjusted his glasses. "The way this school functions typically makes it hard for commoners to get in. Therefore, it's pretty difficult for you to be accepted unless you spend _all_ of your time studying."

"Yes-so in other words, you are a heroine, Fujioka-san!" Tamaki strolled over to Haruhi's side, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Because someone with as many troubles at home as you, like not even being able to afford a decent day's dinner, is still at the top of your class! You may be discriminated against...treated like a lowly civilian…"

Haruhi inched towards the other side of the room. "Ah…but I'm not as bad off as you say…"

Tamaki rushed after him, taking his hand. "Why not? Why not just say so? I'll shout it to the heavens: all hail poverty! So welcome to this world of elegance, pauper-san!"

Haruhi's face went blank. "Excuse me." He said blandly, attempting to escape through the door. But before he could make it through, a little blonde chibi caught his arm.

"Haru-chan, Haru-chan!" He sang, dragging Haruhi back inside. "So you're a heroine? That's amazing!" Haruhi studied his innocent expression. He looked like a grade school student at tops, so why was he in such a club? And were those flowers floating around his face?

"I'm not a heroine, just a special student." He paused for a moment, frowning irritably. "Wait...nobody said you could call me 'Haru-chan'!"

Tamaki slipped over, a hand on his chin in thought. "So our hime-sama is a little feisty. I wonder what kind of host you fancy."

"...Excuse me?"

"Yes…how about it? Do you go for the wild type? Loli-shota type? Little-devil type? Cool type? Or maybe..." Haruhi's face went completely white when Tamaki's fingers slipped under his jaw. "…you'd like to try me out. Wanna go?"

Some thing in Haruhi's mind snapped and he shot back violently, wrenching away from his captor's grasp.

As he turned to face the direction he flung himself in, Haruhi stumbled into a pedestal that conveniently stood in his way. The pillar happened to have something very, very expensive and very, very breakable sitting on top, so when he hit it, the item was sent plummeting to the ground. He reached out to catch it before it hit the floor, but his fingers barely missed, and it shattered at the impact.

"Ah…" Haruhi could only just look at the mess he had created. And stare. And stare even more.

The twins loomed over his back. "Oh dear...it looks like you broke Rene's vase, the highlight of our upcoming auction."

"And it was supposed to get us over eight million yen, too…what a waste."

_"_Eight…MILLION?!" Haruhi felt his hands grow clammy. _Eight…eight million yen…how many thousands is that...? Eight...mill...ion..._

He turned around slowly, hanging on to the pedestal for dear life. "Um...about paying for this..."

"You can't, can you?" The twins chimed in. "Since you couldn't afford a uniform..." Haruhi sucked in a breath. _No...I can't..._

Kyouya pick of a peice of the vase and fingered it. "What should we do, Tamaki?"

Haruhi watched in fear as the host club's king gallantly threw a hand out. "It may be true that she has broken our vase...and it's costs are quite a problem...but we must find a way to help Fujioka-san settle this! Hime, do you happen to have any particular interests or hobbies you are good at?"

Haruhi lay a finger on his lips, pondering the question. "Well...I do cook a lot at home, since my mother doesn't know how..."

"I see, I see! Well then, hime-sama, I have a proposition for you. So that you don't force your poor mother to pay off your debt...you will work here, as the host club's personal chef!"

He paled. "Personal...chef?!"

_Mother, this is terrible! I...I've captured by this weird host club...what am I supposed to do now?_

And poor Haruhi promptly fainted from shock.

___________________________________________________

A/N: I wrote a few words in Japanese here, (sorry, couldn't help it xD) so I should probably list those-

Hime/hime-sama: Princess  
Otaku: Someone who is overly obsessed with something, typically things like games, tv shows, or manga.  
Sakura: Cherry blossom  
-dono: Honorific meaning 'lord'-shows great respect. A step higher than '-sama'. (but for Hika-chan and Kao-chan it's not exactly respectful...)  
Bishounen: Pretty boy XD  
Chibi: Little kid  
Loli-shota: Calling someone a 'Shota-con' or 'Loli-con' shows a complex for a child under the age of 17.  
-san: Honorific meaning Mr. or Ms.  
-chan: Honorific usually used for girls-gives a child-like feeling.  
-sempai: Honorific meaning 'upperclassman'  
-sama: Honorific that shows respect-a step higher than '-san'.

Please tell me if I missed anything! o__o


	2. The Job of a Personal Chef!

**A/N:** Hey guys! I know it's been...well, more than a while. I appreciate the support I've gotten for this fic so much; when I first wrote this, I lacked (and still have struggle with) the maturity to finish things. I'm so sorry I left a lot of you hanging with the promise of more, as I know how dissapointing unfinished fics can be.

I found this old thing amongst a bunch of other documents, and being 14 pages of work, I thought it would be silly not to just post it. It's quite embarrassing to read this after so long, as it is riddled with errors and awful Japanglish, but if you find at least some enjoyment in it, I'll be really happy. I have no intention of completing this fic, but if anyone else would like to pick it up, you're absolutely welcome to. Happy reading, and lots of love to everyone!

* * *

The tinkling laughter of young ladies rang throughout the Third Music Room, otherwise known as the Ouran Host Club's gathering place. They had opened for the day, and quite a few customers had come to be entertained by their favorite boys. The hosts had prepared the perfect setting: elegant simplicity like single red rose. The gentle brush of skin against skin, words whispered sweeter than sugar, and the closeness of two pairs of lush lips…it all created the atmosphere of young romance.

"Tamaki-kun," The soft voice of a young woman began. "What kind of music do you like?" Her words held a slight tremble, as if she were addressing someone important.

A hearty chuckle met her ears. The sophisticated tone had surely been that of a noble, if not royalty. "Of course, it is the song of our memories that we both hold dear."

Another hesitantly reached out, fearing rejection. "I baked you a cake today…would you try it?"

"If you'd be so kind as to let me." was the reply she was given, as the receiver cradled her chin in their fingers.

"Oh my, Tamaki-kun…" She breathed, swooning over the touch.

Tamaki Suoh, the club's king and most popular host, was teasing his guests as he pleased. His princely shtick had them eating out of his hands, so he was having a grand old time playing with them.

"Tamaki-sama…I've heard about it." A delicate hand set down a cup of tea. It belonged to a refined young lady with eyes as cold as their metallic color.

"Hm?" Tamaki turned to face her.

"You have taken in a little stray cat, have you not?"

He smiled. "Ah yes, her. Well, I'm not sure whether it would be more proper to call her a cat or something more like a tiger…" The prince paused as his gaze strayed toward the room's back door, currently of which Haruhi Fujioka was occupying. "Well, speak of the devil, here she comes."

Haruhi was clutching desperately to the trays that he was carrying, begging the plates not to slide off. Since he had first visited the host club and accidentally broken a vase worth over 8 million yen, he had been forced to work as the club's cook and waiter…or waitress, of sorts.

"Nee-san, could you bring a couple snacks for us?" Tamaki sang, waving Haruhi over.

He grimaced. "N…nee-san?" _Hime-sama was bad enough, but nee-san? _

Still, Haruhi gritted his teeth and did as he was told. _Bear with it! You have a big debt on your back, and working anywhere else wouldn't even pay as much as this… _He shuddered. _And at least there aren't any old pedophiles here, like that okama bar I almost got roped into…_

As he placed a serving in front of each guest, Haruhi watched their reactions turn from excited to pondering to just plain confused.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, but…may I ask what this is?" Tamaki pulled a long, thin stick out of his dessert.

Haruhi gaped. "You don't know what pocky is?"

A few girls sitting across from him tilted their heads. "Pocky?"

He nodded. "They're cookie sticks coated in chocolate that you serve with desserts. There's even a game you can play with them, but…that's…" His voice dropped.

_Kami-sama, if you're really out there, please spare me the humiliation of answering…just don't let him ask-_

"…and that would be?"

_I'm so skipping Christmas service this year. _"Well, usually it's played between a couple…one person puts the first end in their mouths, the other takes the second…and they keep eating until they…kiss."

The guests' mouths fell open. They huddled up to whisper amongst themselves.

"Oh my, so it's true then…"

"I can't believe it…"

"Commoners really do have to resort to such trickery to find love!" They all nodded fiercely.

A few members of the host club and several more girls crowded around behind Tamaki to see.

"I see…so this is a pauper's wisdom." Vice president Kyouya's tone remained mechanical even when expressing interest.

Hikaru and Kaoru plucked the pocky out of Tamaki's hand. They studied the strange little confection.

"Wow, such a simple way of thinking…"

They both gazed at each other until Hikaru smirked. "Ne, Kaoru…" He purred, low and sultry.

"W-what is it, nii-san?" Kaoru's voice wavered as his brother's fingers trailed up his neck and chin to his lips. They had already earned the rapt attention of half of the room by that point.

"Do you want to try it…together?"

The younger's cheeks heated in a blush. "Hi-Hikaru! How could you? Doing it in front of everyone…" His eyes welled up with bulging tears. "Isn't that kind of thing supposed to be special? Between you and me…"

Hikaru placed his hands on his twin's cheeks, leaning down closer to him. "I'm sorry, Kaoru…you looked so cute all flustered like that…so I just…" He turned his head away, unable to hold his brother's gaze.

Kaoru's eyes widened. "Hikaru…"

Squeals that could easily pass for pigs erupted from the nearest table. "Aah! It's the beautiful brotherly love!" The fangirls clutched each other's hands tightly in a mutual breakdown.

Haruhi mentally slapped himself when he felt his heart flutter a little. _Just because I look like a girl doesn't mean I act like one… _He sucked in a breath. _Or that means I'm…gay?_

The thought left in such a state of shock that he didn't hear the pretty young woman Tamaki had been sitting with speak.

"The host club is playing around too much. It's ridiculous to think that something prepared by a mere commoner…" She smiled cruelly. "…would ever suit their tastes."

"Eh?" Haruhi pulled himself out of his thoughts.

"Please excuse me…I was talking to myself."

"Ah…" He nodded and headed off to fetch more refreshments.

"Haruhi!" Tamaki called across the room. "This pocky stuff is delicious! Is it true there are other flavors?"

He laughed. "Yes, there's strawberry, green tea, coconut, and quite a few-"

Haruhi froze in mid sentence when an ominous feeling rushed over his body.

_Did someone…just glare at me? _

He whipped around to see who might have been so furious with him, but was distracted by the pair entering through the door.

"Sorry, I'm late!" A cute, young looking boy rode on the shoulders of his contrastingly tall and seemingly more serious friend.

"Ah, Honey-kun and Mori-kun! We've been waiting for so long!" A couple fans whined.

"Sorry…" Honey smiled, looking a bit dazed while Mori set him down. "I fell asleep while I was waiting for Takashi at the kendo club." He rubbed his teary eyes as he and Mori sat next to their guests. "I guess I'm still a little sleepy…"

"Oh…" The girls blushed as his adorable antics. "He's so cute!" They cried.

Haruhi stared at him in disbelief. The girls were fawning over him like a baby. "Is he really a senior?"

"His appearance is deceiving; Honey-sempai is actually a brilliant student." Kyouya strode up next to Haruhi. "And I'd say that Mori-sempai's selling point would be his reticence."

"I see…" Haruhi said sullenly. And as if on cue, before he even had time to notice, Honey flew over and grabbed him by the arm. "Ha-ru-chan!" He sang, spinning him around in circles. Haruhi felt sick when he was finally let go of. "Want to eat cake with us, Haru-chan?"

His head swung back and forth as Haruhi tried to calm his dizziness. "No thanks, I'm not really fond of sweets…"

Honey looked up at him with big eyes. "Then…how about I lend you my Usa-chan?"

"No, I don't really like bunnies much either…"

He pouted. "You mean you don't like my Usa-chan?" Honey held up the plushie for Haruhi to see. It was an adorable stuffed animal, with sweet little button eyes and a tiny threaded mouth. Haruhi thought he might have even seen it blush.

"It is really cute…I'd probably be teased for saying that." He smiled, taking it into his hands. Honey looked surprised for a moment, then grinned and ran back over to the couches. "Take good care of it, okay?" He said gleefully.

Kyouya held one of his many folders in his hand, loosely threading his arms together. "Our club truly is excellent at utilizing everyone's unique traits…as our policy is to satisfy all of our customer's needs." He fell silent, eyes trailing the room until they fell upon a certain golden blonde. "By the way, I don't think I told you-Tamaki is our number one host, or in other words, the king. He gets 70% of the customer's designations." They both watched as he flirted hopelessly with the guests.

"I guess the end of the world is here, huh?"

Kyouya smirked at him. "I also should mention that, since your debt is 8 million yen, you'll have to be our slave until graduation." He paused to correct himself. "Ah, my apologies. You'll be taking care of the cooking and such. You're free to run away, but I'm afraid my family has about a hundred private policemen that are well trained and unlikely to show mercy." He pushed his glasses up. "Do you…understand your situation, Haruhi-_kun_?"

Haruhi went pale._ He knows. He totally knows, and he's rubbing it in my face._

"Don't be so harsh! The poor girl didn't mean any harm." Tamaki appeared out of nowhere, his arm sneaking around Haruhi's shoulders. "Right, hime-sama?" He breathed into his ear.

The victim jumped a couple feet into the air. "Don't do that!" Haruhi complained, rubbing a finger in the contaminated spot.

"You know, if you're so brutish about everything, you'll never be able to get a boyfriend." Tamaki said scoldingly.

Haruhi tucked Honey's Usa-chan under his arm."Well, I'm not fundamentally interested in that kind of thing."

The king was astounded. "What are you talking about? Don't you feel that longing, the deep beat of the heart in your chest, when you see a beautiful man like me? We are drawn to each other; you should feel that pull, too!"

Haruhi shook his head. "But it doesn't really matter, does it? Men and women and looks…it's important what's inside a person, more than anything. That's why I can't understand these kinds of clubs."

"It's such a terrible thing…" Tamaki exclaimed, throwing his arms around himself. "When someone can't find love. So I can understand the feeling of consoling yourself…because you wouldn't be able to live without that comfort."

A bead of sweat fell down Haruhi's face. "What?"

"But think about this carefully. Why did god create Adam and Eve? Yes, he planned for us to be together from the beginning!"

Haruhi tuned him out, drawing back into his thoughts. _What's the best word for these kinds of people? …let's see…_

"-thus, for the people who long for love, I created the host club, working day and night to pursue this feeling! It may be difficult with your tomboyish personality…"

_Ah…what was it again? Hmm…_

"Still, let me pass on my knowledge to a beautiful young lady like you. When setting down a cup of tea, make sure to put your pinky down first as a cushion. That way you won't spill it or make a loud sound."

…_Troublesome? No, that's not it…there's something more accurate for this…_

"Isn't it classier this way? Ladies should always be well-mannered and gentle. So then afterwards, at the best moment…" He walked over to Haruhi and stood beside him. "A young man will approach you from a lower angle like this…"

"Ah, I remembered!" He said, pounding a fist into his palm.

"Didn't your heart beat a little faster-"

"Obnoxious!"

Tamaki went white as a ghost, confining himself to a corner of the room as a cold wind swept over his form.

"Um…Tamaki-sempai?" Haruhi asked dully.

He flinched as he heard the simultaneous laughter of the Hitachiin brothers from behind. "I guess you really are a heroine!" They praised, each taking one of his hands in victory.

_Such frustrating people…_

"Sorry. I _was_ a bit touched by it." Haruhi lied.

Tamaki stood, regaining his color tenfold. "I see, I see! Well then, let me teach you even more of the basics!" A glow seemed to be surrounding his form.

_He sure recovered fast._

"Dono…" Kaoru put a hand to his forehead, closing his eyes.

"It's 'King'!"

Hikaru picked up where his brother left off. "Why are you training her like this? This is a _host _club, not a manners class…"

"I know that! But still, all members of the host club should look presentable…"

He put a hand to his chin. "So to keep to that standard…maybe we should give her a head-to-toe makeover as well! What do you think?"

The other hosts debated over it.

"She might attract a few guys to the club…"

"Girls, too…"

"And that way we can take advantage of an untapped market…"

"I think it's a great idea!"

After they all had agreed to it, Tamaki snapped his fingers.

"Well then, Hikaru, Kaoru!"

"Yes, sir!" They swept Haruhi up into a princess hold, bolting out of the room. Tamaki went into leader mode, ordering around the host members.

"Kyouya, call the hair designer! Mori-sempai, find the best make-up artist you can!"

"Tama-chan, what about me?" Honey interrupted excitedly.

"Honey-sempai, you…"

"Yeah, yeah?" His eyes glittered in anticipation.

"…eat the desserts for us, please."

Honey returned to his table in a cloud of gloom. "Why am I always the one left behind?"

Meanwhile, Hikaru and Kaoru were practically throwing Haruhi into a dressing room.

"Here, wear this!" They said, closing in on Haruhi like prey. A feminine yellow dress was shoved in his face.

"Eh, eh?" Haruhi backed up, putting his arms out.

"No questions!" The twins yelled forcefully, and pounced on him.

The rustling of their fight could be heard from almost all the way down the hall.

"Stop it! Hey, what do you think you're doing? All right, I'll wear it! Just get off of me!" He shoved them off. _You'd think that guys would have a little more respect for someone they thought was a girl, even though I am a 'commoner'…_

Haruhi lost his grip on common sense and started undressing himself.

"Stupid host club…acting like pigs…I am a human being, you know…and why won't this zipper work?" He gruffly pointed at his back. "Could one of you two get this for me?"

They blushed profusely. "U-um, Haruhi-san…I don't know if that's…proper…"

Haruhi sighed, putting his hands on his hips. "What, you'll happily jump a freshman girl, but you're afraid of seeing a guy's naked bo…dy…" He stopped.

"Ah…um…just kidding?"

Hikaru and Kaoru stared blankly for a moment, until a pair of sinister grins took over their without a word, they both left the room.

On their way to gather up the other host members, a few words were spoken between them.

"Well, well…it looks like nee-san is a nii-san after all. What a shame."

"Quite. Do you think we should tell Dono about this?"

"Nah…let's see how this all plays out."

"I agree."

.x.

The sun was starting to set, and Haruhi's makeover had finally come to an end. Everyone was standing outside his changing room, awaiting the new and improved Haruhi.

"Um…sempai…" He began.

Tamaki lifted his head. "Oh, so you're finished putting it on?"

"Yeah, but…" Haruhi pulled the curtain to the side, revealing his newly remade look. "Is it really okay for me to take this outfit?"

The boy had been completely dolled up. His hair was cut cleanly and softly layered, a thin coat of makeup had been dusted on his face, and a girl's uniform fell gently over his form. Now, more than ever, Haruhi pass for a girl: and not just a plain girl, but a pretty one.

"Ahh…you look so adorable in that! Just like a real princess!" Tamaki exclaimed, shedding tears of joy as he clasped his hands together.

The twins heartily agreed. "If we had known you were _this _good-looking…"

"…we would have done it ages ago!"

"Yes!" The king exclaimed, pointing a finger at Haruhi.

"Now that you look the part of the perfect young woman, you're going to have to act like one as well! So from now on, not only will you be cooking for and serving our guests…you will be entertaining them as they wait as well! In other words…you're the stand in hostess!"

"E..eh!"

.x.

And so it was that Haruhi Fujioka ended up gossiping with the guests of the host club. Of course, being unused to so much attention on himself, the poor boy was lost as to what to say. Especially when the girls got into the personal questions.

"Haruhi-chan, what are some of your hobbies?" Each began with something similar, trying to prompt a conversation.

He silently laughed at that one. _If you only knew… _Still, Haruhi kept uncomfortably silent for lack of a interesting answer.

"Do you take care of your skin in some special way? It's so pretty!"

"Why are you working for this club, anyway?"

Haruhi froze. _That right…I owe the host club 8 million yen…and if I keep this up, I won't be able to pay off my debts…I have to at least try! _He tightened his fists and began to speak.

Meanwhile, Tamaki and the others snuck over to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"…Oh, so your father passed away ten years ago from sickness. Then does your mother have a job? Or does she do the housework?"

"Ah, the chores I do myself. My father was really good at cooking, and so he left me a lot of recipes to use while he stayed at the hospital. It was a lot of fun to learn them all one by one, and it made my mother really happy when I could cook them well. I think that it's those kinds of times that I love the most." Haruhi let his head fall back, lost in memories.

The guests smiled warmly at him, slightly teary-eyed. '_She's so moe! Like a shoujo manga character!' _

"Haruhi-chan, could we-if it's all right with you, of course-talk again tomorrow?" One gathered the courage to ask.

"Really? You want to?" He smiled, relieved.

The king had melted completely at Haruhi's cute faces. "What…what a beautiful notion…" He whispered dramatically to the twins and Kyouya. All they could do was nod in agreement.

"Tamaki-sama…" A stern voice floated over the conversation.

"Eh?" He turned back around to see his guest looking quite miffed. "Ah, forgive me, my princess! I was just concerned for our little daughter over there."

"You seem to have your eye on that person a lot."

"Of course I do, as I am raising her like a child." He lifted a hand and snapped his fingers. "Haruhi! Come over here for a moment, please."

Haruhi excused himself from the girls and walked over to stand in front of him. "Yes?"

"If you would, please give your greetings. My guest, Ayanokoji-hime, wanted to meet you."

"Ah…" Haruhi recognized her at first glance as the pompous girl that had been with Tamaki before.

_Better just smile anyway… _

"Pleased to meet you." He said, beaming at her.

Tamaki's face shone bright red as he sprung from his chair to glomp Haruhi. "That's so cute, Haruhi! That shy, innocent face is just perfect! So perfect!" He spun him around.

Haruhi could barely speak while his voice was muffled in Tamaki's shirt.

"Mori-sempai-" He yelled over the king's cries of 'How cute!' and 'I'm not letting go!'. "Save me, please!"

Right on cue, Mori jumped into action, gracefully drawing Haruhi into his arms. It was like a scene from a sappy romcom. The only unfortunate part was that the close proximity made Mori discover that Haruhi wasn't exactly the leading lady he appeared to be.

"Ah…" he said in a low voice, as Haruhi flushed.

Tamaki flicked his hair dramatically, gasping. "Mori-sempai…you didn't have to go that far!"

He threw his arms out in anticipation. "Here, Haruhi, come back into Daddy's embrace!"

"I don't need another father!" He yelled back at him.

And all the while a certain princess had her malicious eyes on their backs.

.x.

A few hours later, when Haruhi had returned after running some errands, he noticed something strange had happened.

"Hmm…My bag is gone? I thought I had left it right here…"

Haruhi searched around the premises for a moment, finally looking out the window just next to him. He saw his bag floating in a pool of water just below the spot where he was standing.

"Oh, great…I thought that this school wouldn't have any serious bullying in it. This is so..."

He sped off down the hall until he passed a lone figure. The person stood motionless in the center of the hallway, as if they had been waiting for him.

"Ah, you…" they said, causing Haruhi to stop. _It's Ayanokoji-san! _

She smirked. "Tamaki-sama really dressed you up, didn't he? You actually look somewhat polished now. Maybe you should fix that poorly bred nature of yours as well, hm?"

Ayanokoji picked up and left without another word. Haruhi could only consign himself to head off to fish through the fountain alone.

.x.

The brim of his dress was drenched as he stepped into the water. _I'm pretty sure that girl was the culprit. There was no one else around, and she sure doesn't like me much. But anyway, for now, I just need to find my wallet so I have money for dinner._

Haruhi had just found his last textbook when he heard Tamaki's voice call out to him.

"Haruhi! You really shouldn't be missing the club activities. It'll just add more on to your debt."

The king looked down to the boy's feet. A pile of books and other valuables were stacked up on top of each other, soaking wet. "Why are you washing your bag?"

Haruhi had tried to think up a better lie than the one he had prepared, but there wasn't really any other excuse that made sense. "I…dropped it on accident. Now I can't find the money I have for food this week…"

He was stunned to hear the splashing of a pair of feet treading through the water.

"Don't worry about it; you'll just get wet with me." Haruhi said, turning to face him.

"Getting wet is okay if it means you'll find it faster. Besides, it's said that handsome men can't be hurt by water."

Eyes resting on his figure, Haruhi watched Tamaki's hands swish back and forth as he fingered the bottom of the fountain. The afternoon sun hit his pale skin and hair, surrounding him in a gentle light. It would be a silly to call it angelic: there was no halo, nor a sparkling pair of wings on his back. He was just beautiful. Simply that.

"Oh, is this what you've been looking for?" He held the bag up to his lips, a teasing smile spreading across his face. The sincerity in his eyes really set Haruhi back. A warm feeling pulsed in his chest, and somehow, he actually thought he was seeing the real Tamaki for the first time. The person deep, deep…_really_ deep down, under the princely facade.

"What's the matter? You're spacing out. Although, since I'm what you're staring at…have you finally fallen for me?"

Haruhi regained consciousness, flinching slightly. "Like I would!" He snapped, snatching the wallet out of his hands.

Tamaki backed up a step, looking at Haruhi in a serious manner. "Anyway, how on earth did you drop your bag in here in the first place? You weren't walking through the water, were you?"

"Um…about that…" He looked up, struggling to find the best thing to say. And what he found was the perfect solution. At least in his mind.

"I dropped it out of the window."

.x.

Haruhi used the same reply when he was talking to customers. Even Ayanokoji.

Taking a sip from her tea, the cold princess held a taunting look under her lashes. "I see. That was quite unfortunate; it's a rare thing when a bag falls into a pond at such a perfect angle."

_Why is she still speaking to me? She made it clear we're not on good terms… _

She set the cup down, facing Haruhi fully. "Regardless of the reason, you dirtied Tamaki-sama's precious hands with something so trivial. You really don't know where you stand, do you?"

Ayanokoji folded her hands under her chin. "Tamaki-sama is only concerned about your unique situation, so don't mistake his interest for adoration."

Realization hit Haruhi lit a bat. _That_ was the motive she had all this time? He couldn't believe the answer was so simple.

"Then basically, you're just being…" He returned her stare. "…jealous?"

Ayanokoji's eyes widened, blazing with fear, envy, and anger. Her arm suddenly flew out, striking the table and knocking it over. Haruhi jumped from his seat to catch it, but his knees hit the brim, so he fell over her while sending the table rolling to the side.

A scream rose amidst the chaos. "Help! Haruhi-san…Haruhi-san got angry all of the sudden! Someone, quickly, get this commoner off-"

She was interrupted when two pitchers of water were dumped on the pair's heads.

Haruhi looked up to see, not much to his surprise, the twins standing over them. He backed off of the king's designator, staring at them inquisitively.

Ayanokoji batted at her wet clothes. "W...What do you think you're doing?" Her demeanor changed the instant Tamaki came to her side, lending an arm.

"Tamaki-sama…" She breathed, clinging to him. "Tamaki-sama, to me, Haruhi-san wanted to-"

"How graceless…" He said, placing a hand on her jaw. "Throwing Haruhi's bag into the fountain."

_Eh? _Haruhi couldn't believe his ears. _How did he know?_

"How could you… Do you have any proof?"

Tamaki pulled her face closer to his own. "You are very beautiful, I will admit that. But I'm afraid you're not fit to be our customer anymore. Because I know…" His eyes narrowed. "Haruhi is not that kind of person."

Hurt flickered across Ayanokoji's features, and she shoved him away so she could leave.

"T-Tamaki-sama, you…fool!" Her footsteps got quieter and quieter as she ran, until they disappeared completely.

All was silent for a moment. The tension was unbearable. How was Tamaki going to react? Would he be angry? Depressed? Relieved? Or…

"What a shame, she was such a beautiful girls…oh, I should probably inform you of the consequences for causing a ruckus. From now on, if this happens again, your debt will automatically go up by one hundred thousand yen!" He shouted, pointing a finger at Haruhi.

Nonchalant…?

Haruhi gaped at him. _No…no way… _His eyes twitched uncontrollably.

"Here." Tamaki held his hand out for him to take. He cautiously obliged, getting to his feet. "I'm looking forward to working with you, new girl." He nodded his head to the side and winked at Haruhi, who in return flushed.

Kyouya strolled in from the sidelines, carrying a big paper bag with him. He placed it in their new recruit's hands. "This is the only replacement uniform we have. It's better than being all wet, isn't it?"

Haruhi pulled the bag open with one finger, and upon seeing the contents, became very quiet. "Thank you…very much…"

.x.

And so the boy was once again ushered into a changing room to fix himself up. After Tamaki and the others took their seats outside, Haruhi had to begin the tedious process of putting on a men'suniform. But before he could do that, he had to take off the soaking wet dress currently smothering him. Of course, because of the dampness, the clothing clung to Haruhi's skin. So when it came down to taking off his tights, well…it was not pretty.

"Urgh…" He tugged relentlessly, pulling at them until they were pooled around his ankles. Haruhi tried to slip one foot out, but his toes caught in the fabric. He tripped over himself, flying into the stall's curtain. It tore immediately from the impact, fluttering to the floor with a stunned Haruhi following it.

"Haruhi!" Tamaki rushed over to help, holding a hand out. The rest of the six lagged just behind him. "Haruhi, are you-"

He flinched when Tamaki froze. "Wh…what…" The king stuttered, features rigid. A lone finger was directed straight at Haruhi's face.

Haruhi's body was exposed head-to-toe, stripped of everything except for his underwear. And on top of being naked, he was tangled up in the mess of fabric…the scene was just far too scandalous.

Tamaki stared directly into his eyes for a moment, the stunned look never leaving his face. And when he did speak, he was completely monotone.

"Haruhi."

"Yes?"

"You're…a guy."

Haruhi sighed, getting to his feet and retreating to the stall next to his. He continued changing outfits. "Strictly speaking, yeah."

"But…your clothes…"

"That's just a hobby of mine."

Tamaki gaped, totally lost for words. He eyed each member of the host club, searching for any sign of surprise. The apathy towards this 'new' bit of information told him everything he needed to know. Some embarrassing new cosplay event was likely to show up in their near future now.

It was only a few more minutes until Haruhi was finished. "All right, I'm done." His muffled voice carried louder than normal over the silence.

He slid the curtain open, revealing his newly dressed form.

The King's jaw dropped.

The boy was practically sparkling in all his bishounen glory. The crisp boy's uniform fit him perfectly, accentuating his more masculine features while not taking away from the feminine ones. He was every bit the prince that Tamaki was.

Haruhi prodded at his clothes. "This feels pretty weird; I don't think I'll ever get used to these stiff suits we're supposed to wear. But least it's only for today." He blinked. "Oh, and I was going to ask you…since I'm the new 'hostess', I'm going to get to wear a frilly maid outfit, right?" The thought brought an enormous smile to his face and he laughed.

"Na…na…" The saturated blush that colored Tamaki's face only worsened as he continued to stutter. Maid…outfit…

A calculating grin snaked across Kyouya's face as he repositioned his glasses. "It's definitely going to be interesting from here on out."


	3. Update!

A/N: Guys, I'm excited to say that this story will be continued! Just not by me. The lovely ManicThrifts has agreed to pick The Ups and Downs of Crossdressing up! Please support him here at this new link: http:/www . f a n f i c t i o n . net/s/7893249/ (remove the spaces) Make sure to tell him how awesome he is when you review! C:


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